I watched a motivational video and it made me cry. In the video, the girl talks about consistency - something I have majorly struggled with all my life. Gosh, it spoke right to my heart! It made me think.
I am consistent in that I like change. I struggle so hard to stay consistent in my day to day. I don't have a set grocery shopping day, I struggle to meal plan, I even struggle to commit to e-vites - because I don't like to commit myself and lock down my life. I want the freedom to travel when I want at the drop of a hat. I don't ever want to be locked in. That's what it feels like - as if planning ahead is locking me into things, trapping me.
Where does this fear come from? I don't know. How do I solve it? It's a work in progress.
I have so much anxiety over this struggle for change. I don't want to do the things I need to do. I've thought many times that it's depression. And it is to a point. I get depressed about the mundane day to day: wake up/eat/eat/eat/sleep - repeat. Throw in a 'clean the house' or 'do the laundry' and that's the jist of my daily life in its bare bones state. There are people to feed, a house to clean, and laundry to wash. I happen to really dislike these essential tasks.
So my desire for change is what makes laundry more exciting to do - I decide we should move or better yet, let's travel for life! Figuring out laundry in a life lived on the road is much more exciting. When traveling, even cleaning becomes exciting. When we take our little travel trailer out on the road, I love wiping everything down and cleaning everything in it (well, all but the toilet, that's still not a favorite task when traveling)! I especially love cooking when we're on the road - it's fun to see what you can do with limited supplies and a small cooking area. I thrive in the challenge.
Another point of concern: children need consistency. I struggle here too, and that mommy guilt lets its way in sometimes. I'm NOT consistent, I don't take them to weekly playdates, or park dates - we wing it most days. I started to feel bad about my lack of consistency for a while there, but I am trying hard to embrace it now and I'm telling myself I'm raising up kids who are adaptable, who will try new things, and who won't be afraid to roll with the punches life will throw at them. It's what works for us. We didn't have set plans for this past 4th of July weekend and because of that, we were able to take up a last minute offer to vacation with some friends in Hood River at their vacation home. It was a fantastic time! If we'd been locked into a prior planned event on the 4th, we would have had to skip out on the weekend away that was much appreciated.
So where am I going? What are we doing about this immense need for change? How do I cope and more importantly, how does my husband cope with my constant desire for change?
Honestly, this is the most exciting part! Through my coaching business, I want to change lives. I've found a solution for my desire for change. Not only do I get to help change the lives of others through being a coach, but my vision is to change the course of my own life - to make it one FULL of changes. This is my dream. I want to retire my husband, so he doesn't have to go to work and deal with the 9-5 rat race. I want to give him the freedom to choose to homeschool our girls (he wants to homeschool them). I want him to be able to pursue his dreams, to start a car manufacturing company if that's what he wants to do (one of his dreams). I want to pick up and travel where ever, whenever - without limits. I want to be generous and to give freely to those in need. I want to do cool stuff to help others succeed!
Does it sound crazy? Maybe. But can I do it? Watch me.
I'm tired of being tied to a 9-5/M-F schedule. This life was made for adventuring. We live in America, where dreams DO come true. I'm working for a company I truly believe in. They reward big, and the business model is stellar. I want change, so I'm going to work for it.