Here I am. Pregnant. I don't want to complain...because as far as we know, this little girl inside me is healthy and I have much to be thankful for. But understand that I'm feeling compelled to document my feelings at this time so here comes the bit that might be construed as complaining.
Waiting for this little one to arrive has been a bit tiresome. I've had 2 different nights over the past week where I had some decent contractions and thought, "this is it" and then I wake in the morning to discover absolutely nothing going on with my body and I feel a little sad and recently, a little bitter about the situation. The picture above is from Thursday night. I'd started having contractions and they were getting a bit strong and uncomfortable so we decided that Pete should take Hailey to my parent's house just in case things progressed. Taking her at 11pm seemed easier than waking my parents up at 3am to have my mom drive over and wait for Hailey to wake up in the morning. I made sure to get a good cuddle in with Hailey before Pete took her. Maybe trying to 'prepare' jinxed the whole thing. I went to bed feeling a little uncomfortable, but figuring I should try to rest before I needed all my energy to push a baby out...and I slept until 8am the next morning. Okay, well...I was up every hour or so to pee, but that was pretty much the extent of it.
Hailey was such a nice and early surprise - everyone thought this new baby would be arriving early and with a fast labor (still hoping for that one!). That will teach us not to assume (you know what they say about assuming...)! Now I'm fearful that the newborn clothes I packed in my bag won't fit her. My labor bag has been in the car for a month...
I have to keep telling myself that due dates are an estimation and that they can be up to two weeks off. So I wait..
My 41 week appointment on Thursday went well. We had a fetal stress test and all was well there. I also had membranes stripped and was sure I would be having this girl soon after. I was dilated to 4-5 already and my cervix had less than 1/2cm to thin. Things were seeming ripe and ready. We've been trying all those at home 'tricks' to start labor...but to no avail. Obviously.
I know the baby will come out when she's ready. I don't think my body forgot what to do... I have to keep telling myself that. It's been a struggle for me as I wait for my body to naturally start labor. The great 2010 Battle of Ways. Do we try to induce labor or just keep waiting for my body to do it's own thing?
I am supposed to get an ultrasound of the placenta on Monday to make sure it's still healthy and providing nutrients to the baby. I 'forgot' to schedule it yesterday as I was hoping labor would start and I wouldn't make it all the way to Monday without giving birth. Now I'm not so sure this baby is ever coming out on her own and I'm feeling a bit guilty for not having my ultrasound on the schedule (I honestly did forget to schedule it and by the time I remembered, it was past 5pm).
So here I am. Waiting. Each morning is a little more frustrating than the last. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but it's hard waking up to a completely quiet uterus.
At the end of this, I can't wait to hold my little girl....and the waiting will all be worth it I'm sure. At this point I'm just getting a little worried about her size...and getting her pushed out is sounding more and more daunting. Prayers would be much appreciated.
In case you are curious, Pete and I have been married 31 months in total and for 28 months of our marriage I have been either pregnant or breastfeeding. I'm very ready to be done with pregnancy and to go down the road to being a somewhat normal person (lose the baby weight, have energy, etc). Thankfully I'm married to the most awesome guy on the planet and he hasn't thought the last 28 months to be out of the ordinary.
Here's hoping my next post is a birth story...