I guess I have to admit that I've been going a bit crazy this past winter as a mother. There. I said it.
The girls are so much fun, but are full of so much energy. They have only just recently started, dare I say, consistently taking an afternoon nap at the same time. They are always making a complete mess of the house. It almost amazes me at how fast they can completely demolish a room. I'm not kidding.
I'm trying to create some rules in our house such as, 'keep the toys in the toy area' and 'keep the food in the kitchen' and 'keep the shoes in the shoe bin' and 'keep the clothes in your room' but seriously, the second I hop in the shower, the whole place is a wreck again and I throw my hands up and want to give up trying to keep order in the house.
It's easy to feel like a total failure as a mother. We let the kids watch TV and then feel guilty about how much they watch. We let them get away with things from time to time because, well...we're just too tired and worn out to deal with it. We leave the crumbs on the floor because the kids will just come along in 3 hours and make another mess of crumbs on the floor. We let the house cleaning fall by the wayside more often than we'd like to admit.
AND sometimes we don't talk about it for fear of being looked down on for 'struggling' in these quite common, tiring, and chaotic times we experience in motherhood.
Okay, I'm saying "we" in hopes that others agree and I'm not just some wimpy mom complaining about how hard it is having 2 little kids under my watch 24/7.
As a result of my random 'crazy' days with kids, which on paper is really kind of boring, I am guilty of 'handing off' the girls from time to time. Like say...when daddy gets home. Do you ever do that?
Sometimes I even sit back and enjoy watching my hubby deal with the girls when they do something they shouldn't. He's the most patient person in the world, so if he from time to time gets a little frustrated with their lack of obedience, I smile a little inside. I shouldn't do that, I know. It sounds awful now that I wrote it and just by saying this on the web, I'm sure I've just won some sort of "Worst Wife Ever" award. But it makes me feel better that he gets to have some of the crazy time too. It helps validate the hard work I'm doing at home. It's not just me, the girls put up a fight with him, too. It makes him tired and worn out and frustrated and cranky, I am NOT the only one!!!
I've had a struggle with contentment in my life as a stay-at-home mom. I'm not doing wonderful projects with my kids every day (or week for that matter). Sometimes I don't even want to read books with them.
I just want to put it all out there and say, "THIS IS NORMAL" (I think). ;-
If you've been feeling like me, then know this truth. Believe it. It is, I think, normal to feel guilty and to feel like a failure as a mother from time to time. It's in our nature (right???). And there ARE good times. Many good times. It's just so easy to feel totally out of it at the end of a hard day and to forget about all the good. Don't let this guilt eat you up.
The most therapeutic thing for my case of 'fail-mom' is to have some quality alone time. I was going to say "quality time with my man" (no, not *that* kind of quality time!) but really, I've found that if I get to do anything without the kids, I feel more energized and level headed. I rarely get to go out and about without kids in tow (unless it's to the dentist or hair dresser), so when I do, it's absolutely incredible (even a quick trip to Target! pathetic, I know...). I wish they sold it in pills so I could get it more often. Seriously.
So anyway, the winter was rather drab and difficult for me as a mother. I had to do something. I needed an outlet.
I started going to Yoga towards the end of December and I found it to be absolutely amazing for my mind. It was MY time to relax and lay all my worries aside. I don't even like Yoga that much. But it's something I get to drive all by my lonesome to. And I get to breath all my stress and worry away while I'm there - I love that.
And so on that note, I decided that I need to have something of my own to do outside of the house that is a little more exciting than yoga. Yoga is nice and all, but I needed something a bit more substantial.
No, she's not mine. But I did, however, just sign a lease agreement that allows me to ride this beautiful quarter horse mare several times a week.
I'm excited. She's a short 6 minute drive from our house and at a barn with a covered arena. I rode her last weekend and my legs are STILL sore (she does not move off the leg very well). I can't believe how out of riding shape I am! She's a bit out of shape too...so my goal is to get myself in riding shape while getting her in better shape. Her owner doesn't have much time to ride her, so Toola needs some work. I'm excited about this one!
So. What about you? Do you have any special hobbies that give you opportunities to have your own 'ME' time? Am I just slow to learn that I need to take some time out of parenting to focus on my own mental health? Does everyone else have it all figured out? Do you have any tips on how we women can be more content living in a messy, kid-crazy house?
And lastly, does anyone have a book that will teach me the perfect parenting skills to have in every possible situation I could be faced with as a mother? If so, leave a comment and I'll get you my address asap. :)